Before hopping on the internet or settling for Nix's pick, I looked left to the now-never-used entertainment center in the forgotten corner of our basement. And I remembered that lurking inside the rich mahogany tones of its oak doors lie some of the greatest movies ever made...at least in the 80s and 90s. That's right, VHS baby!
You may or may not remember this, but DVDs didn't always exist. Back in the day (it was a Wednesday), terms like "tracking," "Be kind, rewind" and "Tecmo Bowl" were part of our every day lexicon...and Scott's Food & Fricken Pharmacy had a video rental department! My brother and I rented Blades of Steel for NES there! I know, right!
Anyways, let's just say I was excited. Below are some highlights of my "Pretty much as cool as Ahhhnold's lines in Batman & Robin" findings:
If you look closely, you'll see my mom a) tried to sell The Mummy for $1, and b) apparently no one bought it. I can't decide which crime is worse.
"But, oh wise, handsome one," you ask me, "None of these movies start with 'J'. What was the point of your story? Don't get me wrong, I love reading every sentence you so artfully construct. But I feel like you're just dragging us along on a pointless narrative to No-where's-ville."
Fear not, my friend. For there was indeed a film tucked away in our Video Home System archives that fits today's script perfectly, and I'm ashamed I hadn't already thought of it. I give you...
Hold on to your butts!
Velociraptors! Peril! Jeff Goldblum! Dammit this movie is good. If you're able to shake off its terrible sequels (apologies to Vince Vaughn and William H. Macy), and appreciate the first movie for its pure epic-ocity and sheer brilliance, congratulations! (If not, well...looking at you, Matrix trilogy.)
While its special effects may look a tad dated now (although really not as much as you'd expect), in 1993 this movie was an incredible achievement. Trust me, I was six. I remember these things. Spielberg brought dinosaurs to life, and when they weren't trying to eat Newman, they looked like a lot of fun to go visit.
This movie also features the first half of the only time I can think of an actor delivering an iconic line, then saying the same line as a completely different character in another movie five years later. Bonus points if you know what I'm talking about, but the fact that no YouTube video exists with both movies is a complete failure by YouTube. Get your act together, YouTube.
But, John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists,
Colin
(Nix's "J" pick: Juno)
I'll claim those bonus points: "Must go faster, must go faster." ~ Independence Day (another great Thompson VHS!)
ReplyDeleteMy "J" pick is Jeremiah Johnson; a must see for you Hoosier Movie Snobs.
ReplyDeleteI can still remember my six year old's face (I will shield his name for fear of embarrassment or retaliation) at the theater when the critters were lurking in the kitchen! Not sure I should have taken him to that movie...... so call Child Protective Services, I dare you!!
I just watched this a couple nights ago on HBO! Great choice, and it's impossible to consider that this movie is 17 years old. Ridiculous!
ReplyDelete