Great Movies within Bad Genres: Sunshine

Ahhh Science Fiction. Thrust back into the mainstream thanks to James Cameron. Well, Avatards, in this space we are going to discuss a classic example of the genre, rather than The Last Samurai with blue people instead of skilled martial artists. There are those that hate Sci-Fi, and justifiably so. It is typically nothing but empty films about a bunch of aliens and intergalactic battle. But there are exceptions to the rule that all science fiction has to suck. For every film like this (how did they get Barry Pepper in that?) and this there can be found gems such as this and this. Both movies are exceptional Sci-Fi, but not the deep space, absence of planets kind of setting that comes to mind when I think of Sci-Fi, which is why we are going to discuss Sunshine. That and because what Blue wants, Blue gets (unless, of course, what he wants is success from the Indiana University men's basketball program).

Sunshine (2007)

What makes Sunshine so great? Let's start with the Academy Award winning director, Danny Boyle. If you've never heard of Danny Boyle, you should be ashamed. He has directed Best Picture winner Slumdog Millionaire, 28 Days Later, and the widely respected Trainspotting (although there's a little too much of Ewan's little McGregor in it for me....and drugs, too many drugs as well). At least do yourself a favor and watch all the movies mentioned above (excluding Trainspotting, however, you may enjoy it even though I didn't). What's remarkable about Boyle is that he hasn't made two films that are even remotely similar in terms of genre. He's done a hardcore drug movie, a vacation gone wrong movie, a zombie movie, a whatever-genre-Slumdog-is movie, the kids movie, and the save the earth science fiction movie...all of which are great. Those that disagree certainly have their reasons, but for me, Boyle's best flick to date is Sunshine.

Sunshine, set 50 years in the future, follows the Icarus II's crew of 8 young scientists on a journey to reignite the dying sun, and save the planet from global cooling. If you really want to know the science behind the dying sun premise, feel free to attempt to understand this, nerd. I'm not so wrapped up in the validity of the science; I'm more concerned with the effectiveness of the film. To say that the film is great because it defies convention would be a false. After all, the premise is a mission to save the planet, the proverbial shit hits the fan, and people make sacrifices to ensure the success of the mission (Armageddon, much?).

Instead, it's the way the story plays out that makes it so great. There are no scenes on the planet earth until the last few seconds. In fact, after about 7 minutes, the film has zero communication with earth, which brilliantly pumps up the claustrophobia and tension in the movie. The movie only deals with the enormity of the task at hand and to succeed where Icarus I failed. Where most sci-fi relies heavily on special effects, Sunshine does not. That's not to say there are no great visuals, there certainly are. The images of the ship in space, and the scenes that take place in space are striking. But the film doesn't need these visuals to wow you. The film wows you by focusing on the mission, the decisions made, the consequences of those decisions, and the overall eeriness of space. It's the exploration of humanity versus logic and young people being forced to make impossible decisions. It's that the film is more science than fiction that makes it so effective. It doesn't give you a premise so that the film can go into space and blow shit up. It's intelligent and succeeds in the ways necessary to create a classic sci-fi.

Without sacrificing too many plot details, I do acknowledge that the film takes a strange turn when they ultimately reach Icarus I after responding to its distress call. I know that the balance starts to tip briefly towards fiction and away from science. Get over it. The rest of the film is strong enough that it overcomes this brief detour and comes back to deliver more great scenes afterwards (Capa's Jump). There are so many ways that Sunshine could have taken a turn for the worse, and it is in this restraint that it should stand alongside the classics in Sci-Fi, an example of what the genre can produce. The antithesis to this. Go see it, and best of luck to the Butler Bulldogs and (future IU) coach Brad Stevens.

All Aboard the H.M.S. Suckery

Now we come to the part of the blog where I unleash some unbridled, uncalled-for hatred towards a movie in the theaters that I have no plans to ever see. I have been exposed to nothing but the trailer, and I have heard no news (positive or negative) from anyone that has seen it. (If, in fact, anyone HAS seen it...let's just say that would be a surprise to me.) Just like Diversity, the H.M.S. Suckery is an old, old, wooden ship that I'm going to metaphorically throw this and similar terrible movies onto and send it to Antarctica where they can never harm any non-penguin again with their traveshamockeries of plots and acting. Actually, I kinda hope the sea just claims the boat somewhere on its journey and its never heard from again, because really, what did the penguins ever do to us? Anyways.

First passengers on the H.M.S. Suckery? Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston, and anyone else who was involved in the making of this flaming bag of poop that I'd like to put out with my size 12 boot.

From what I can gather, The Bounty Hunter follows the epic tale of King Leonidas, who plays (you'll never guess!) a bounty hunter! He used to be married to Rachel Green, and he just got assigned to go hunt her for bounty. He's very excited about this. He scoops her up, throws her in his trunk, and I'm sure from there plans divulge into serious "not according to" territory. After a few brushes with some unsavory bad guys and his car getting screwed up somehow (maybe a surprise wild animal in the back seat?!), Leonidas has to ar;aed;efjna voarighvalnkz,.mn vnaslrkghaajweo

Oh, sorry about that, I got bored and hit my head on the keyboard a few times. Anyway, spoiler alert(!): they fall back into love at the end. And how about that tagline? "It's a job, it isn't personal. Well, maybe a little..." Hey, tagline making people! Yes, Colin Thompson, Hoosier Movie Snobs, I have a question: I noticed you used an ellipses at the end of your Bounty Hunter beauty...is that designed to leave the general public hanging and dying to know what your incredibly veiled and mysterious tagline means? It is? Yeah, let's just say it didn't work. We know damn well that the job is a little personal, you told us in your retarded trailer.

And hey Gerard Butler, remember when you looked like this and were stabbing the shit out of tens of thousands of persians with your kick ass spear? Yeah, that was awesome. I was ready to start chisling your chisled frame into the all time Mount Rushmore of badasses (right next to Bill The Butcher, Maximus, and Doc Holliday). And you inspired millions (or at least me) to give the insane 300 workout a try.

Since then, you've been in something called Butterfly On A Wheel, P.S. I Love You, The Ugly Truth, and now The Bounty Hunter. What the hell man? Granted, you gave badassness another try with Gamer and Law Abiding Citizen, but the former also belongs on the H.M.S. and you only stabbed one guy to death in the latter. Not exactly what I'd call getting the job done. If you hadn't died at the end of 300 (spoiler alert! Too late, sorry.) I'd be screaming for some kind of sequel (called 301 of course). But alas, you now look like this and are a damn disappointment.

Jennifer Aniston...can you remember when you were in a good movie? Neither can the world. I'll give you Office Space, but that gem was carried by Samir Nagheenanajar and Michael Bolton (not the no-talent ass clown). You had nothing to do with its awesomeness. Keep trying though. Maybe if Angelina starts carrying around a vial of his blood around her neck Brad will come back to you. Or something. Here's hoping.

I've never even BEEN to Mount Vesuvius,

Colin

The Great Actor Fantasy Draft of 2010

The world has waited long enough: it's bloody well time for a fantasy draft!

Rules: we're each drafting "teams" of 12 actors or actresses. And while Title IX says we should have equal male and female participation, we're going with 10 guys and 2 ladies. Screw you, Title IX. These teams are people whose past work we've admired and whose future work we're excited about. In the old days studios had exclusive contracts with actors; that's what we're going for here. Hands off each other's talent.

We drafted in snake fashion: by virtue of a very shady coin flip, Colin's team ("Come On You Devil Log!") gets the first pick. Nix ("Chest Rockwell's Dream Team") gets #2 and #3, Colin gets #4 and #5, and. so. on.

Let's get down to business:

1. Daniel Day-Lewis (Come On You Devil Log!) - This was the easiest fantasy #1 pick I've had since I took LeBron James #1 in this year's NBA league (team "LeBrontosaurus" is a dominant 19-2, having just suffered a loss at the hands of Nix's "Duke Sucks" team. Which he's probably not aware of.) My boy DD-L played two of my three favorite characters of all time (the other being this guy) in Bill the Butcher and the immortal Daniel Plainview. He has legitimately starred in only eight movies and was nominated for Best Actor for four of them and won two. That's a hell of a batting average.

2. Philip Seymour Hoffman (Chest Rockwell's Dream Team) - After a suspect over-the-phone coin flip without a third party, I have to settle for life after the Butcher. Can't complain about PSH though. A look through his past work will provide a glimpse at nothing but solid work. Not all of his movies are great, and neither are they all awards contenders. But, there is no embarrassing Prince of Persia on his resume (I'm looking at you #14). Credentials: 3 Oscar Noms, 1 Win. In all but one of PTA's films.

3. Leonardo DiCaprio (CRDT) - Another reliable choice. Nominated 3 times by the academy. He has supplanted DeNiro as Scorcese's muse, appearing in all of his work this millennium. Starring in the much anticipated Inception this summer, directed by Christopher Nolan.

4. Johnny Depp (Devil Logs!) - In addition to starring in every Tim Burton film ever made (and 80% of them are pretty good), he has played an astounding amount of title roles (What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Ed Wood, Donnie Brasco, Sweeney Todd, Don Juan DeMarco, and Edward Scissorhands). He was also fantastic in Blow, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Public Enemies, and his iconic Keith Richards impersonation in the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks. Plus I hear he's pretty dreamy. That's range, people.

5. Christoph Waltz (Devil Logs!) - We've all seen this guy in only one thing (unless you count this brilliance), but that one thing was so effing awesome that I'm convinced the next 10-15 years are going to be filled with his awesomeness. And Come On You Devil Log(!) is not about to miss out on that. Therefore he is our third pick. Welcome aboard.

6. Kate Winslet (CRDT) - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Little Children (a personal fave), Finding Neverland, and Revolutionary Road to name a few. And yes, Stat's favorite, Titanic. She has 5 nominations and 1 win. Solid as a rock, just like the Bluth Company.

7. Jeff Bridges (CRDT) - The dude, his dudeness, el duderino....whatever you call him he's a stud (no Carroll High School, not a male horse used for breeding). Well deserving of this year's Oscar, in addition to just being a guy that seems cool to hang out with.

8. Christopher Walken (Devil Logs!) - Yeah, I'm going back to back with C.W.-initialed guys. Do something about it. Credited with over 100 roles on IMDB, Walken has done pretty much everything. He's played a Bond villian. He's played a war hero. He's played dozens of quirky, hilariously memorable characters. He's also forever legendary for dancing in a Fatboy Slim video (sorry Kanye, but it was the best video of ALL TIME!).

9. Anne Hathaway (Devil Logs!) - Never mind that I would marry her in a heartbeat (if it is indeed possible to marry someone this quickly), Ms. Hathaway is an acting force. She was good in Brokeback Mountain (which I saw in the theaters with this guy), helped make The Devil Wears Prada watchable (along with some hack named Streep), absolutely carried an otherwise decent Rachel Getting Married (earning her first Oscar nomination), and was pretty topless for much of some movie called Havoc. Obviously worthy of a top 10 pick.

10. Bill Murray (CRDT) - His strong resume of comedies in the 80s and 90s (Groundhog Day, What About Bob, etc), though some of my favorites, would not have qualified him for my team. It's his late work in Lost in Translation and The Life Aquatic, not to mention a great cameo that I won't spoil, that get him over the hump.

11. Paul Giamatti (CRDT) - If you ever have the opportunity to go to dinner with Paul, there's one type of drink you shouldn't order for him.

12. Tom Hanks (Devil Logs!) - You know his resume. He's been in so many good movies it's ridiculous. He won back-to-back Best Actor Oscars in 1994 and '95. He has excelled in comedies, war movies, dramas...you name it. He also played himself in the best SNL Celebrity Jeopardy ever. I'm excited to see the roles he gets as he gets older, since he'll obviously be acting until he dies (unlike Clint Eastwood, who died six years ago and somehow keeps acting and directing).

13. Javier Bardem (Devil Logs!) - He's long been a Spanish language movie star, but hasn't done a lot in the states. But what he has done is awesome. He was fantastic in his one scene of Collateral, had a threesome with two legendarily beautiful actresses in Vicky Christina Barcelona (more on that later), and played perhaps the best movie villain of all time in No Country For Old Men (earning an easy Oscar win).

14. Jake Gyllenhaal (CRDT) - Sigh, I wouldn't have been hesitant to make this pick if it wasn't for this little beauty looming on the horizon. But hey, I suppose it's this kind of trash that pay the bills so one can pursue projects such as Donnie Darko, Jarhead, Brokeback, Zodiac, and Brothers.

15. Kevin Spacey (CRDT) - The first of the "wow, how did I forget him" picks from Colin. Fool. He's in personal favorites, American Beauty, The Usual Suspects, Se7en, and the criminally underseen Moon, all the while playing a vast variety of characters.

16. Edward Norton (Devil Logs!) - Fight Club. 25th Hour. American History X. Rounders (another best character nominee for team Colin, Lester "Worm" Murphy). The Illusionist. He rocked them all. And he somehow played a blond, clean-shaven priest opposite of Ben Stiller in Keeping the Faith. AND, two little known facts: for the past 26 years he's looked exactly like this guy and in 2008 he played my alter ego.

17. Ralph Fiennes (Devil Logs!) - For the first time in the draft Nix got mad at me for stealing his next pick. Ralph has long been fantastic (see: Schindler's List, The English Patient, Red Dragon), but he basically won a spot on the Devil Logs for In Bruges and this scene in particular. Oh, and he plays Lord Freakin Voldemort.

18. Guy Pearce (CRDT) - This would have been about the time I would have selected Joaquin Phoenix, but he's too busy rapping (and doing this). Anyway, Pearce is in The Hurt Locker, Memento, LA Confidential, The Count of Monte Cristo, and The Proposition. The latter of which is an unknown gem.

19. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (CRDT) - I'm pretty confident he's the only Roseanne alum on either squad. Solid in Brick and 500 Days of Summer, he's also in Inception along with DiCaprio and others.

20. Alan Rickman (Devil Logs!, Clive Owen was picked at first, but was promptly traded to the Oakland Raiders for Rickman and cash incentives) - He'll be forever remembered for falling slowly from Nakatomi Plaza, and his voice and delivery are easy to make fun of, but the guy is a beast. He's been good in Dogma, Galaxy Quest, Love Actually, Sweeney Todd, Bottle Shock (available instantly, Netflix people. Watch it!), and as the amazingly awesome Severus Snape in the Harry Potter series. He also played the voice of a depressed robot in this guy's favorite movie.

21. Emile Hirsch (Devil Logs!) - Admittedly, I've really only seen him in Milk and Into the Wild. Good enough for me. Plus he got to make out with Elisha Cuthbert in The Girl Next Door. Solid effort. The kind of effort that lands you a spot on the Devil Logs.

22. Christian Bale (CRDT) - I'm surprised I got him this low. The Prestige, 3:10 to Yuma, American Psycho, and those Batman movies are enough to get him on this list. His dedication to his work make him a value at the 22 slot.

23. Marisa Tomei (CRDT) - The lovely Marisa Tomei. A steal as my last pick. Absolutely phenomenal in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, In the Bedroom, and The Wrestler. She's also unbelievably attractive for a 45 year old, not that that matters.

24. Penelope Cruz/Scarlett Johansson (Devil Logs!) - As this draft is in no way legally viable (see: real), I felt the need to take a few liberties with my picks. Or at least one. You see, I can't pick between these two. So I'm taking both. They're both good actresses (Scarlett has four Golden Globe noms, Penelope won an Oscar), they're both phenominally beautiful. If the movie calls for some latin flair, we'll go with Penelope. If we need a blonde, there's Scarlett! Plus, if we get them into a movie at the same time, this happens. And at the end of the day, isn't that what movies are all about? Thank you.

Da Results:

Come On You Devil Log! (Colin)
1. Daniel Day-Lewis
2. Johnny Depp
3. Christoph Waltz
4. Christopher Walken
5. Anne Hathaway
6. Tom Hanks
7. Javier Bardem
8. Edward Norton
9. Ralph Fiennes
10. Alan Rickman
11. Emile Hirsch
12. Penelope Cruz/Scarlett Johansson

Chest Rockwell's Dream Team (Nixy)
1. Philip Seymour Hoffman
2. Leonardo DiCaprio
3. Kate Winslet
4. Jeff Bridges
5. Bill Murray
6. Paul Giamatti
7. Jake Gyllenhaal
8. Kevin Spacey
9. Guy Pearce
10. Jason Gordon-Levitt
11. Christian Bale
12. Marisa Tomei

The only question now is: Who'd we forget?

Which Movie is the Best to Fall Asleep to?

Ok faithful readers, this is an idea I will regrettably admit was Stat's. Regardless of its less than credible source, the concept is solid and if it is well received maybe it will become the first recurring series here at HSN. The concept is simple: I'll pick two movies that relate in some fashion, and you respond in the comments as to which movie is the best to fall asleep to. Easy enough, right? You don't need to get too deep (that's not what she said) with this, just look at it anyway you want and answer the question. Tonight's theme: Which of the following Tom Hanks movie would you rather doze off to?

Disclaimer: By no means am I saying that these are his best or worst two films. These just happen to be two movies that came to mind. Get over it.

Option A: Road to Perdition

Option B: Catch Me if You Can

So the question for me always becomes: "Do I want to watch Michael Sullivan's story of revenge (taking names style) or Carl Handratty struggle across the globe to catch an adolescent con man William Abagnale (Leo DiCaprio)." Tough, right? This decision can sometimes take me 30 minutes...at which point I've usually already fallen asleep, thus defeating the purpose. Regardless, the decision is yours, faithful readers. Sound off in the comments and let us know your thoughts and best of luck with your brackets.

The 8 Worst Awesome Movies Released Since I Was Four (A guest post by Reid Amstutz)

The following list of movies was constructed in a particular order, called "random." I love these movies because, well, they're all awesome. But as films, they're all the worst. Get it? Good. Here we go...

Eraser (1996)

When Lee Cullen (see: Vanessa Williams) steals confidential weapons information probably as important as the NOC List, the only man, or machine, that can protect her is Duh Governator, or witness protection ace John "The Eraser" Kruger.

Let me remind the world that Eraser unveiled the most powerful one-man weapon exclusive of the Akimbo Ranger (see: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2). Keep in mind the rifle developed by Lee Cullen's former employer, Cyrez, is TOP-SECRET (see: plot). The first of two key features the weapon utilizes is a "see-through-anything" automatic targeting system; the scond feature is an electromagnetic pulse that looks like it sprinted out of Harry Potter's wand and umm...melts your heart.

In real life, the gun is probably only useful for two things:

• Melanoma
• One nicely made cheese toastie

Steel (1997)

Let me plow you over with Shaq Daddy's 1997-98 season averages with the Los Angeles Lakers:

PPG 28.3     RPG 11.4     APG 2.4     BPG 2.4     FG% 58.4

Powerhouse numbers. Unfortunately, Shaq's season averages were inversely proportional to Steel's box office results.

Little Giants (1994)

I don't think an adolescent girl existed in the early 90s who wasn't infatuated with Devon Sawa. I don't think an adolescent boy existed who didn't start throwing toilet paper rolls down the aisle at Kroger, either. And who wouldn't be entertained by a coaching match up between Al Bundy and Wayne Szalinski?

Marquee line: "When you mess with Spike, you mess with death."

P.S. The Little Giant's assistant coach and fabled developer of the play, "The Annexation of Puerto Rico," Nubie, is smart in real life. He is currently a Vice President with the NFL and whispered right-hand man to commissioner Roger Goodell.

Cliffhanger (1993)

What's more challenging: Outlasting a steroid filled, 2,000 PSI-punching, 8'4" He-Man of a Russian OR exorcising your demons while evading a frightening, Uzi-wielding John Lithgow and beating the fastest man in Jamaica in a mountain scaling race for stolen cash in the Rocky Mountains?

I'll select...B. Cliffhanger places Sylvester Stallone in a chase of mountainous proportions. Each individual bead of sweat that oozes out of his sculpted body drips pure athleticism. I'm talking the kind of athleticism that allows him to survive sub-freezing conditions draped in nothing more than a military-issued wife-beater. Yes, athleticism can do that.

Did I mention that Cliffhanger was nominated for three Oscars? How. Is. That. Possible.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (2009)

I don't care about the filthy propaganda that Jason Melvin and Playstation, Inc. distribute, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is a movie. It is Nathan Drake's second adventure, which is full of mini-adventures. Drake kills villains, stuns villains, stealth attacks villains, discovers secret treasures and solves riddles, sexes a brunette AND a blond, and saves the world. Can you say "man crush"?

But who does Drake think he is, Indiana Jones?!?! Only Indy can believably achieve some of the stunts and bad guy thwarting that occurs in Among Thieves. Come on Drake, come back to Earth.

Twister (1996)

It's all about the Hoff. No, not Baywatch super-stud David Hasselhoff; I'm talking about THE Hoff-man, site heavyweight Philip Seymour-Hoffman. Let me blow you away, pun intended, with some of the Oscar-caliber lines delivered by Philip in this rodeo with Mother Nature:

• "Haha! It's the wonder of nature, baby."
• "Haha! Wooo hoooo!"
• "Hey you guys! Woo hoooo!"
• "Are you okay? You just missed that truck! That's awesome!"

And my personal favorite...

• "The suck zone...the point, basically, at which the twister sucks you up."

Forget it, enjoy this.

Space Cowboys (Y2K)

Jones. Eastwood. Garner. Sutherland. Normally when I see a line-up comprised of the preceding names, I think this.

But Thor's movie is Space Cowboys, and it exists.

Richie Rich (1994)

Roller coaster?                Check.
Launch cannon?              Check.
Personal McDonalds?     Check.

Best. Life. Ever.

Let's not forget that young Richie thwarts the evil plan of Laurence Van Dough and saves the day. The film also features an extremely versatile and resourceful family butler with more middle names than Mike Novitski. But come on, the family treasure behind Mt. Richmore is silly junk. Showwwww Meeee The Moneyyyyyy!


Editor's Note: Would you like to contribute a guest post? Please do! Leave a comment here on the blog or email Colin at clnthmpsn@gmail.com with your idea and we'll get the ball rolling. Cheers!

My Prayers Have Been Answered

Zoolander 2 is in the works. I'm literally at a loss for ways to describe how awesome this is.

An open letter to the greatest model of all time

Dear Sir,

My name is Colin Thompson, I turn 23 tomorrow, and I'm your biggest fan. This birthday for me is a momentous one. Finally I'll be the age of Michael Jordan and LeBron James' jersey number. (At least until next year, when King James is wearing #6 for the Knicks.) And it's got me doing some reflecting.

You've been in my life for the past nine years, and those were some eventful years for me. I started and finished high school, where I found my niche playing tennis and writing for the school newspaper.

You were with me for the four years I spent at beautiful Indiana University, where I found and cultured my loves for photography and going out drinking with my best friends until four in the morning.

You were even with me for this past year, which saw me struggling to find my way starting a career and finishing school. You've been with me through it all, and now I thank you. Because I now realize it's true:

My life for the past nine years has had a shadow cast over it by one man...and five syllables. Der-ek Zoo-lan-der.

Yes you, Mr. Zoolander. As I look back on my life, I realize you've been my guiding light all along. You've taught me so much, and I'm eternally grateful for the lifeskills you've instilled in me. A quick recap:

Z - zealousness. Your rival-turned-best friend Hansel has an attitude that says "who cares? It's only fashion." But you care. In fact, you cared enough to win back-to-back-to-back Male Model of the Year awards. In your mind, you even won a fourth straight.

O - originality. The world spells the word "day" d-a-y. Not you. You're your own man. A man who enjoys a good d-a-i-y-e at the daiye spa.

O - obnoxiousness. See also: standoutabilty. Yes, these are life skills, and things I respect you highly for. Your average miner just goes to work in dirty, worn, gray clothes. You decided to spruce the place up a bit. And God bless you for it. 

L - likability. You count the great Billy Zane among your friends. Next subject.

A - abidiginal. See: originality.

N - nimbleness. All your life, you excelled in the uber-competitive world of modeling with a glaring disability. You were not an ambi-turner. Some models turn left at the end of the runway, others turn right. Cruelly, you weren't given that choice. Until of course, there was an "M" shaped throwing star flying towards the prime minister of Malaysia, and you finally turned left, unleashed Magnum on that mother, and it stopped dead in its tracks. If there was an "H" in your name, heroism would certainly be included on this list.

D - dependability. When considering adding a new person I meet to my list of friends, I ask myself one simple question: If I died in a freak gasoline fight accident, would this person step up to the plate and deliver a touching eugoogoly in my honor? I know with you the answer is a resounding "yes."

E - excellence. While other, pedestrian-by-comparison models skate by using just one look, you sir have several in your ever evolving arsenal. In addition to your legendary Blue Steel, you also have Ferrari, Le Tigre, and now the literally life-saving Magnum. You think you're too cool for school, but I've got a news flash for you Walter Cronkite: you are.

R - responsibility. Many celebrities live a selfish lifestyle. They make their millions; they buy some cars, some houses, a trophy wife. Not you. You sir, Mr. Zoolander, are one hell of a philanthroper. Where others sit back and live the lavish lifestyle, you're out there in the world making a difference. In 2001 you founded the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to do Other Stuff Good Too, and now previously underprivledged children by the dozens are learning valuable life skills. Skills such as "how to negotiate a modeling contract" and "base jumping." This is your lasting legacy on the world. A world that wouldn't have been the same without you. And for that you deserve all the thanks I can give.

Yours in creepily undying admiration,

Colin Thompson

2010 Preview - Part 2

Part 2:

Inception (7/16) Christopher Nolan. Solid cast. Mind-bending premise. This looks sick. Definitely the one I'm most looking forward to in 2010.

The American (9/1) George Clooney plays an assassin hiding out in Italy for one last assignment. A little vague but I'm a bit of a sucker for assassin movies. Sign me up.

The Town (9/10) If Ben Affleck directing scares you, you're wrong. His debut as a director (2007's Gone Baby Gone) surprised many, including me, and there's no reason to think his follow up will suffer. The premise is solid (bank robbers, FBI agents, etc) and it stars Jeremy Renner fresh off of his Oscar nomination. See you there.

The Social Network (10/15) This one is bizarre. Of all the people to direct a movie about a couple of Ivy League nerds (no offense Blue) starting a website....David Fincher??? The man behind Se7en, Fight Club, and Zodiac? Not exactly along the lines of what's worked well for him in the past, but he has yet to disappoint. Also, it stars Justin Timberlake, for better or worse.

The Green Hornet (12/22) Superhero movies don't usually do it for me, but this stars Christoph Waltz so count me in.

True Grit (12/25) Two US Marshalls hunt down a young woman's murderer. Sounds good. Directed by the brothers Coen? I'm listening. Stars Matt Damon, Jeff Bridges, Josh Brolin, and Barry Pepper....yes please!

Paul (TBA) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost of Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead fame team back up for a movie about finding an alien near Area 51. Add to that Seth Rogen and Arrested Development talent Jeffrey Tambor and Jason Bateman. Bingo.

The Tree of Life (TBA) Terrence Malick is a legend, yet he's only made 4 movies......in his 37 year directing career. Top talent lines up to work with Malick and you can be pretty confident that if he's coming out with a movie he's invested a fair amount of his time into it (just shy of 10 years per movie, no big deal). His movies aren't for everyone, but those that enjoy his work will be jumping on this when it arrives.

Well there it is folks. My inaugural contribution to this fine site. Hopefully I did not bore, but enlighten you. I do not have the wit, pedigree, free time, or muscles of Colin Thompson but if you made it this far I guess I did something right. Feel free to holler anything I might have left off. Nixy out.

2010 Preview - Part 1

Look, I know we're two months deep but January and February aren't exactly a hot time for movies. It's a great time for college hoops, but I typically drop things in the toilet that are more entertaining than what Hollywood sends to your local movie theater during this time. Seriously, what have you seen other than this that hasn't sucked this year? Exxxxactly. So, with last night's boring** awards officially announcing the end of one season, I thought we could take a look at what is in store for us in 2010.

**It should be noted before we continue that I mean "boring" in the best possible way. As great as the awards are, many a crime has been committed by the Academy. No, no, no...really, CRIMES. We can't cover them all but Three 6 Mafia has as many Oscars as Martin Scorcese. Chew on that stat for awhile. Anyway, I haven't seen The Blind Side (nor will I at any time in my life), but I feel confident in saying that there is no reason it should have been nominated and that Sandra Bullock absolutely stole the award from the very deserving Carey Mulligan. But that's it. My only beef. Incredible really.

Okay, back to preview. At this time last year very few had heard of The Hurt Locker. (Then again, very few had heard of it while it was in theaters considering that Avatar earned more in its 10th weekend than The Hurt Locker did in its entire worldwide run at the box office. Seriously, look it up.) Many films will emerge and prove better than the following list, but I just don't know that much about them yet. These are the ones that this guy has his eye on. Sure, half of these may suck, but eat it. I guarantee there are at least a couple of great movies that you will thank me for informing you of. For that, you're welcome in advance. Here they are, in the order they're released:

The Green Zone (3/12) Matt Damon goes rogue in an unstable region of the globe hunting down evil people and attempting to single-handedly bring down a corrupt corporation. Directed by Paul Greengrass. Sure sounds like a fourth Bourne movie. Well, it isn't....technically. But it sure as hell sounds like one so I'll see you there this weekend.

Iron Man 2 (5/7) After an unremarkable April, May kicks off with a bang with Iron Man 2 and the next movie on this list the following weekend. I'm typically not much the sequel type, but this one has some things going for it. Iron Man is among the more entertaining movies of recent years. If you haven't seen it, do so this instance. It may not be as good as part one, but Robert Downey Jr. is hilarious, Scarlett and Gwyneth are thoroughbreds, and Mickey Rourke looks terrifying.

Robin Hood (5/14) There Ridley Scott goes being all unoriginal again. Seriously, when has he made a movie that was truly original - when he didn't copy an already successful formula? Regardless, he may not take risks but he sure as hell knows how to direct Russell Crowe into a whole other realm of badassness.

Toy Story 3 (6/18) Chalk this up as the most likely to disappoint (sorry Colin). Pixar movies, although solid, never quite live up to the hype for me. Then there's my sequel-phobia. But still, this should be reliably good, if underwhelming. I know I'm in the minority but this is probably my least anticipated on the list.

A quick, hastily thrown together Oscar preview

In case you haven't seen a commerical for this on TV, no friend told you in passing, or you didn't somehow learn it by pure osmosis, the Academy Awards are tonight. I like to call them the Oscars. You can feel free to call them whatever you'd like. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are hosting. I'm almost, kinda, maybe, definitely about this excited.

You may have also heard that in a desperate attempt to get the general public more excited for the awards (see: make more money), the Academy saw fit to balloon the Best Picture category from five nominees to ten. Thank God. Finally a movie like The Blind Side (see: sappy true story) can get no votes from Academy members, but movie simpletons like my mom (sorry mom) and grandparents nationwide will tune in to see if it wins. Well played, Oscar. Well played.

(Side rage: What the hell is the appeal of the "based off of a true story" tag? This morning I woke up, rolled out of bed, and took a crap (clean break...high five!). I proceeded to eat a heaping bowl of Multi-Grain Cheerios and went to the gym to put myself through a pretty good (if you don't mind me saying) leg/core workout. Later on, I sat down to type this well-formed, eloquent thesis that is currently matriculating through that brain of yours. But I guarendamntee that if Warner Brothers wanted to get the Coen Brothers to direct "Boring Sunday: The Colin Thompson Story (Based off of a true story)" and throw $80 million into distrubtion and advertising, it would absolutely blow up at the theaters. And in February 2011, when there are 25 or 30 Best Picture nominees (don't think they won't), and the electric Austrailian award presenting team of Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman are up there for the last award of the night, you'll hear the words "Boring," "Sunday," "Colin," and "Thompson." Which I guess won't be all bad, since they'll have to flash a shot of me drunk next to Tyrese Gibson (who obviously played me in the movie) somewhere in the fourth row.)

Whew, OK sorry I blacked out for a second there. What happened? Ooh that got a little angry, sorry. Happy thoughts...moving on. Let's break this ish down:


Best Achievement in Cinematography, Adapted Screenplay, Original Screenplay, Editing, Art Direction, Costume Design, Makeup, Original Score, Original Song, Sound Mixing, Sound Editing, Visual Effects, Animated Feature, Foreign Language Feature, Documentary Feature, Short Subject Documentary, Animated Short, and Live Action Short:

I don't know. Avatar will probably win eight or nine of these. I don't care. Moving on to the "Big Six" (see: the awards Colin feels like writing about).

Best Supporting Actress:
Penelope Cruz for Nine
Vera Farmiga for Up in the Air
Maggie Gyllenhall for Crazy Heart
Anna Kendrick for Up in the Air
Mo'Nique for Precious

Admittedly, I only saw Up in the Air out of this bunch. The two ladies in it were certainly good, but the movie completely underwhelmed me as a whole. Word on the street is Mo'Nique will run away with this award. And why not? If you go by one name, it has an apostrophe randomly in the middle of it, AND you're nominated because of how convincinly you pulled off a few girl/girl rape scenes...then yeah, go ahead and take home a gold statue, you've earned it.

Best Supporting Actor:
Matt Damon for Invictus
Woody Harrelson for The Messenger
Christopher Plummer for The Last Station
Stanley Tucci for The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds

I've been saying this for months: if Christoph Waltz does not win this award, I am marching on Hollywood. Seriously.

Best Actress:
Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side
Helen Mirren for The Last Station
Carey Mulligan for An Education
Gabourey Sidibe for Precious
Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia


Yep, this self-proclaimed movie guru went 0 for 5 in this category. But Bullock wins in "lifetime achievement" fashion (she was criminally not nominated for a pair of great sequels...Speed 2: Cruise Control, and Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous). She's due.

Best Actor:
Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart
George Clooney for Up in the Air
Colin Firth for A Single Man
Morgan Freeman for Invictus
Jeremy Renner for The Hurt Locker

I think the poster here echoes my sentiments on Clooney. The guy was not acting. You know what? Lightning might strike me dead for this one, but neither was Morgan Freeman. Until Invictus came out, I actually thought he WAS Nelson Mandela. Talk about your most obvious casting ever. Really went out on a limb with that one, Clint Eastwood. My pick would definitely be Jeremy Renner here, he was amazing in that movie The Nemesis didn't like. But the dude abides, Jeff Bridges will win.

Best Director:
Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker
James Cameron for Avatar
Lee Daniels for Precious
Jason Reitman for Up in the Air
Quentin Tarantino for Inglourious Basterds


Tarantino combined at least 15 movie genres into Inglourious Basterds (most of which I've never heard of), presided over the best performance anyone put on this year (my boy Christoph), and made a tired subject (World War II) thought provoking, exciting, and pretty funny.

Best Picture:
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
A Serious Man
Up
Up in the Air

Apparently the race is between The Hurt Locker and Avatar. Really? Does $300 million + 3D blue people + Pocahontas script = Best Picture? You can't hate on James Cameron for pushing the envelope with movie technology and making more money than God, but come on. Best Picture is pretty effing prestigious, I'd personally rather people not buy it. My vote (yeah I've got one) went to Inglourious Basterds, with The Hurt Locker a close second. (Thanks to collegehumor.com for these fake "honest movie posters." They're hilarious.)

Colin's "Best 23 Movies I've seen in the last 23 years": #11-1 (the confrickenclusion)

If you missed movies #23-12, click here. If you missed Nix and I's glowing intro to this blog, click this one!

11. Inglourious Basterds - Quentin Tarentino having the time of his life re-imagining how World War II ended. I described it to my dad as "Well there's a crack group of Jewish-American soldiers going around scalping and maiming Nazis...and it's a lot of fun somehow."

Key Scene: Anything with Oscar-winner Christoph Waltz as Nazi inspector Hans Landa, but most notably the opening scene where he very cordially and charmingly visits a dairy farmer in France suspected of hiding Jews. He has a friendly chat with the farmer, tries some of his milk and compliments it warmly...and then unmercifully murders the Jews hiding under the floorboards.

10. Stranger Than Fiction - Will Ferrell stops streaking for a few hours and stars in this semi-serious tale of Harold Crick, an IRS agent who starts hearing a woman's voice narrating his life. Turns out, the woman is currently writing a book about Harold, and the book is due to end in his tragic death. Will he die? Watch the damn movie and find out!

Key Scene: Too woo the baker he is currently auditing (a never-hotter Jake Gyllenhall's sister), Harold brings her a bunch of different flours. That's right, I didn't spell that wrong. Flours for a baker. Coolest gift ever? I say yes. Predictably they have sex soon after. Top five favorite scene ever. The flour part, not the sex.

9. American Beauty - The best-ever for movies opening with Kevin Spacey masturbating in a shower. Hands down (yep, pun intended). Spacey plays an "ordinary guy with nothing left to lose" who is bored with his life and decides to start really enjoying it. "Really enjoying it" involves quitting his advertising job, smoking a lot of really expensive pot, and fantasizing about his daughter's underage, huge-foreheaded friend. (Also, how scared were you to click on that first link? Did you do it? I bet you didn't even click it. Now you kinda want to, don't you? Come on, live a little!)


Key Quote: "Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."

8. Gladiator - I read a lot of "best of the decade" lists recently, and it seems everyone forgot about the 2000 Best Picture winner! What gives? It's freaking fantastic! Russell Crowe gives the performance of his life as Maximus, a decorated general-turned-slave gladiator in ancient Rome. Maximus kills enough people in the arena in satisfying enough fashion that he ends up bringing his talents to the blood lusting populace of the Coliseum in Rome. He eventually (spoiler alert!) gets revenge on the man responsible for his family's murder and his imprisonment (a pre-crazy Joaquin Phoenix). Also, I'm pretty sure the first time I ever made out with a girl, we were kinda watching Gladiator. So it's got that going for it too. Thanks Gladiator!

Key Quote (movie history's most badass quote. Prove me wrong.): "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

7. City of God - A lot of subtitle reading, since its all in Portuguese, but hell if you'll mind. City of God takes you deep into the deadly favelas of Rio de Janeiro, where the drug trade and all its violence rule the day. The story follows the paths of two boys: one is a straight arrow and longs to be a photojournalist (see: "awesome"), the other takes over the local drug market by force. Beautiful, insanely violent, film.


Key Scene: Umm...this one.

6. Gangs of New York - Where my man crush on Daniel Day-Lewis began (sorry English teachers, The Crucible didn't quite do it for me). Also the first of three Scorsese-DiCaprio hookups (on screen, not...gross), Gangs of New York tells the story of several feuding gangs in New York City. Bet you didn't see that one coming. Awesome performances all around (Cameron Diaz, Liam Neeson, pre-"Shake 'n' Bake" John C. Reilly), but DD-L's Bill The Butcher completely steals the show.

Key Quote: "You tell young Vallon I'm gonna paint Paradise Square with his blood. Two coats. I'll festoon my bedchamber with his guts. As for you, Mr. Tammany-fucking-Hall, you come down to the Points again, and you'll be dispatched by my own hand. Get back to your celebration and let me eat in peace." (Bill The Butcher, certifiable BAMF)

5. Punch-Drunk Love - When he's not arguing the benefits of shampoo and conditioner against one another or riding the bull, Adam Sandler has some pretty legitimate acting chops. There is no better example than Punch-Drunk Love, Paul Thomas Anderson's (more from him later) story of novelty plunger-selling, blue suit-wearing, glass door-smashing Barry Egan that takes the term "socially awkward" to completely new heights. Things to look forward to include trading in palettes full of pudding for airline miles, the best bathroom rage scene since Liar Liar, and an awesome "eff you" shouting match between Sandler and acting behemoth Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Key Quote: "Don't you say that to me. I didn't do anything. I'm a nice man, I mind my own business. So you tell me "that's that" before I beat the hell from you. I have so much strength in me, you have no idea. I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine. I would say "that's that" mattress man." (Sandler, to the terrified Phil Hoffman)

4. Almost Famous - If you've ever loved music, and especially a singular band in particular - I'm hoping this applies to most all of us - you will have no choice but to love this movie too. A 15-year-old kid gets assigned by Rolling Stone to follow an emerging band around on tour. Along the way he learns some lessons about life...sex, drugs, rock and roll...you know the drill. BUT, iconic performances all around...awesome music all around...and this is going to blow your mind: Kate Hudson doesn't ruin it. She's actually good! If you haven't seen this movie, I absolutely implore you to. Right now. Go!

Key Quote: "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool." (Phil Hoffman AGAIN!)
Key Scene: The one were the band almost dies, and learns a whole lot about each other.

3. Kill Bill - A behemoth of a revenge story; told in two parts, but better consumed upon one extended viewing. In the first half, we learn of Uma Thurman's "The Bride," an assassin who is beaten and left for dead by her former employer. She wakes up from a coma and begins exacting revenge on everyone involved. A good 1,893 gallons or so of fake blood is shed. Part two gets to all the meaty, allegorical details (and the most important killings). And, no spoilers, but the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique is involved.

Key Scene: Every scene in a Tarentino film is unique and memorable, but top choice here has to go to the epic fight between The Bride and "The Crazy 88s" 88 up, 88 down at the edge of Uma's Hanzo blade, "the greatest sword ever made by man."

2. Good Will Hunting - So good it almost made me want to rush out and see a thereapist (not the rapist). The screenplay won an Oscar for Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, launching one of them straight into Gigli and tabloid fame, and the other eventually into Jason m-f'ing Bourne badassness. Also, its incredibly fun to quote this movie in Boston with the most obnoxious fake Massachusetts accent you can muster. Trust me.

Key Quote: "You're suspect! Yeah, you! I don't know what your reputation is in this town, but after the shit you tried to pull today you can bet I'll be looking into you. Now the business we have, heretofore, you can speak with my aforementioned attorney. Good day, gentlemen; and until that day comes, keep your ear to the grindstone."

1. There Will Be Blood - Daniel. Day. Lewis. Paul Thomas Anderson's masterpiece took film making to a whole other level for me in 2007, with this bold, bruising, completely unapologetic story of an oil tycoon with unparalleled ambition. From a technical standpoint, I'll take TWWB's beautiful cinematography and awesomely original score over a bunch of 3D blue people recreating Pocahontas any day. Cynics scoff at its complete lack of dialogue at times (one line in the first 18 minutes or so), but I could watch Daniel Day-Lewis pick his teeth for 18 minutes. He doesn't act as the menacing oil baron Daniel Plainview, he IS him. He completely lives and breathes his character, and I severely doubt I will ever see a greater performance on screen. You could say I'm fond of this movie and my boy DD-L. Not sure if you picked up on that or not.

Key Scene: I won't say much about it, other than "I. Drink. Your. Milkshake. I drink it up!" But dear God the ending is brilliant.

Colin's "Best 23 Movies I've seen in the last 23 years": #23-12

Well here we are. Time for the first legit post in Hoosier Movie Snobs history. I'm a bit nervous. We've got a short window of time here to convince you 12...ok, 8 readers that we're going to be providing a worthwhile product for you to waste your valuable time with. I know what's at stake. I'm actually sweating a little bit onto my fresh Tin Caps fitted right now. Yeah, it's that serious.

Now, one small caveat before we proceed: the following are not my favorite movies of all time, they're the ones I consider to be the best. There's a difference. Sure I've seen Zoolander and Ferris Bueller's Day Off a combined 1.21 gigawatt times, and I will again, but they're just good for a cheap laugh. The filmmakers didn't really make me FEEL anything. Therefore, we're gonna go with this list for now. We'll hit a brilliant comedies list sometime in the future. So without any ado whatsoever, let's do this:

23. Into the Wild - Oscar crime of the century: this was neither nominated for Best Picture NOR was Emile Hirsch nominated for Best Actor. Ridiculous. Hirsch plays true story guy Chris McCandless, who, upon graduating from college, donated his life savings and hitchhiked/walked to Alaska to live off the land and hunt moose and whatnot. Along the way he meets/charms a variety of different characters (Vince Vaughn and Zach Galifianakis as midwestern farmers, whaaa?), each uniquely American. I loved every minute of it.

22. 25th Hour - With my favorite Ed Norton role (edging out card shark Lester "Worm" Murphy), this post-9/11-New York Spike Lee joint follows a man in his last 24 hours before heading to jail on a seven-year, drug dealing sentence. I'm not immune to getting a little dusty while watching a movie here or there, but no movie has made me openly weep like I did during the last scene between Norton and his best friends (personal fav's Barry Pepper and Phillip Seymour Hoffman). Emotionally draining, amazing. Great movie.

21. The Departed - Scorsese. DiCaprio. Damon. Nicholson. Sheen. Baldwin. Marky Mark. Wow.

20. The Incredibles - I'm a huge fan of any Pixar movie at this point (most notably the first half of WALL-E but not quite the second), but a large, unbiased sampling of my peers (or...me) voted, and The Incredibles came out on top. Probably just because Samuel L. Jackson made a great Frozone ("Where is my super suit?!) I'm fully expecting Toy Story 3 to blow my mind though.

19. Collateral - I've never been a big Tom Cruise fan, but this is definitely my favorite non-homoerotic-Maverick role for him. Add Jamie Foxx at the top of his game (should have won both acting Oscars in 2004), and Michael Mann directing (L.A. has never looked cooler), and you get the quintessential hitman-kinda-befriending-a-cab-driver-while-he-goes-on-a-killing-rampage flick.

18. The Dark Knight - Heath Ledger's brilliant Joker performance (definitely the best movie villain ever) overcomes Christian Bale's annoying Batman voice. (Seriously why does he have to growl all his lines? Remember when the Colts were accused of pumping in bass in the RCA Dome? Nonsense. Christian Bale was just in the building.) See it on Blu-Ray, it'll change your life.

17. The Hurt Locker - My movie arch nemesis, Tony Didier, and I recently had the following conversation, which ultimately led to me wanting to start this blog - Tony: "Hey I saw one of your critically acclaimed (said with a lot of disdain) movies the other day, it was terrible." Me: "What was it?" Tony: "The Hurt Locker." The fact that there are people out there that are too stupid to like this movie (or any of these other 22 for that matter) baffles me. If I don't kill him first, we'll get Tony on here eventually for the "People who thought Transformers 2 was serviceable and actually paid money to see Bride Wars" perspective. That having been said...

16. Transformers 2 - Michael Bay has long been my favorite mind-blowingly-amazing director, but he really outdid himself with this one. Great performances from future Oscar winners Shia Labeouf, Megan Fox, and a bunch of charismatic robots playing off the most original script I've ever been exposed to...brilliant. OK, sorry, I can't even continue typing this with a straight face. I will never see this piece of shit. Not even if I was tied down (ladies) to a chair with my eyelids pinned open. Sorry for the heart attack I know you just had Nix.

Actual 16. No Country for Old Men - The hotel shootout scene between Javier Bardem's Anton Chigurh (say that five times fast) and Josh Brolin's Llewelyn Moss (whose first name is the reason I'm glad I never have to learn English as a second language) redefines tense. No music, no other people involved, just one man hunting another man with two million dollars and terrible haircuts at stake. The Coen brothers at their absolute best.

15. Pulp Fiction - This is what Marcellus Wallace looks like.

14. Fight Club - Rules #1 and #2 prohibit me from talking about this movie.

13. Children of Men - Forever legendary for its 7-plus-minute single tracking shot (and this one), with a war going on, bombs going off, buildings being reduced to rubble, and Clive Owen running around trying to rescue the only baby left on planet Earth in the middle of it all. Insane camera work. Also, the plot and the acting and all that. Whatever.

12. The Lord of the Rings - Want to spend the next 12 hours watching a group of fantastical creatures interact and think Star Wars is insanely overrated? I may have an idea for you.

Coming tomorrow (drumroll)......movies #11-1! See ya then.