The Great Actor Fantasy Draft of 2010

The world has waited long enough: it's bloody well time for a fantasy draft!

Rules: we're each drafting "teams" of 12 actors or actresses. And while Title IX says we should have equal male and female participation, we're going with 10 guys and 2 ladies. Screw you, Title IX. These teams are people whose past work we've admired and whose future work we're excited about. In the old days studios had exclusive contracts with actors; that's what we're going for here. Hands off each other's talent.

We drafted in snake fashion: by virtue of a very shady coin flip, Colin's team ("Come On You Devil Log!") gets the first pick. Nix ("Chest Rockwell's Dream Team") gets #2 and #3, Colin gets #4 and #5, and. so. on.

Let's get down to business:

1. Daniel Day-Lewis (Come On You Devil Log!) - This was the easiest fantasy #1 pick I've had since I took LeBron James #1 in this year's NBA league (team "LeBrontosaurus" is a dominant 19-2, having just suffered a loss at the hands of Nix's "Duke Sucks" team. Which he's probably not aware of.) My boy DD-L played two of my three favorite characters of all time (the other being this guy) in Bill the Butcher and the immortal Daniel Plainview. He has legitimately starred in only eight movies and was nominated for Best Actor for four of them and won two. That's a hell of a batting average.

2. Philip Seymour Hoffman (Chest Rockwell's Dream Team) - After a suspect over-the-phone coin flip without a third party, I have to settle for life after the Butcher. Can't complain about PSH though. A look through his past work will provide a glimpse at nothing but solid work. Not all of his movies are great, and neither are they all awards contenders. But, there is no embarrassing Prince of Persia on his resume (I'm looking at you #14). Credentials: 3 Oscar Noms, 1 Win. In all but one of PTA's films.

3. Leonardo DiCaprio (CRDT) - Another reliable choice. Nominated 3 times by the academy. He has supplanted DeNiro as Scorcese's muse, appearing in all of his work this millennium. Starring in the much anticipated Inception this summer, directed by Christopher Nolan.

4. Johnny Depp (Devil Logs!) - In addition to starring in every Tim Burton film ever made (and 80% of them are pretty good), he has played an astounding amount of title roles (What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Ed Wood, Donnie Brasco, Sweeney Todd, Don Juan DeMarco, and Edward Scissorhands). He was also fantastic in Blow, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Public Enemies, and his iconic Keith Richards impersonation in the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks. Plus I hear he's pretty dreamy. That's range, people.

5. Christoph Waltz (Devil Logs!) - We've all seen this guy in only one thing (unless you count this brilliance), but that one thing was so effing awesome that I'm convinced the next 10-15 years are going to be filled with his awesomeness. And Come On You Devil Log(!) is not about to miss out on that. Therefore he is our third pick. Welcome aboard.

6. Kate Winslet (CRDT) - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Little Children (a personal fave), Finding Neverland, and Revolutionary Road to name a few. And yes, Stat's favorite, Titanic. She has 5 nominations and 1 win. Solid as a rock, just like the Bluth Company.

7. Jeff Bridges (CRDT) - The dude, his dudeness, el duderino....whatever you call him he's a stud (no Carroll High School, not a male horse used for breeding). Well deserving of this year's Oscar, in addition to just being a guy that seems cool to hang out with.

8. Christopher Walken (Devil Logs!) - Yeah, I'm going back to back with C.W.-initialed guys. Do something about it. Credited with over 100 roles on IMDB, Walken has done pretty much everything. He's played a Bond villian. He's played a war hero. He's played dozens of quirky, hilariously memorable characters. He's also forever legendary for dancing in a Fatboy Slim video (sorry Kanye, but it was the best video of ALL TIME!).

9. Anne Hathaway (Devil Logs!) - Never mind that I would marry her in a heartbeat (if it is indeed possible to marry someone this quickly), Ms. Hathaway is an acting force. She was good in Brokeback Mountain (which I saw in the theaters with this guy), helped make The Devil Wears Prada watchable (along with some hack named Streep), absolutely carried an otherwise decent Rachel Getting Married (earning her first Oscar nomination), and was pretty topless for much of some movie called Havoc. Obviously worthy of a top 10 pick.

10. Bill Murray (CRDT) - His strong resume of comedies in the 80s and 90s (Groundhog Day, What About Bob, etc), though some of my favorites, would not have qualified him for my team. It's his late work in Lost in Translation and The Life Aquatic, not to mention a great cameo that I won't spoil, that get him over the hump.

11. Paul Giamatti (CRDT) - If you ever have the opportunity to go to dinner with Paul, there's one type of drink you shouldn't order for him.

12. Tom Hanks (Devil Logs!) - You know his resume. He's been in so many good movies it's ridiculous. He won back-to-back Best Actor Oscars in 1994 and '95. He has excelled in comedies, war movies, dramas...you name it. He also played himself in the best SNL Celebrity Jeopardy ever. I'm excited to see the roles he gets as he gets older, since he'll obviously be acting until he dies (unlike Clint Eastwood, who died six years ago and somehow keeps acting and directing).

13. Javier Bardem (Devil Logs!) - He's long been a Spanish language movie star, but hasn't done a lot in the states. But what he has done is awesome. He was fantastic in his one scene of Collateral, had a threesome with two legendarily beautiful actresses in Vicky Christina Barcelona (more on that later), and played perhaps the best movie villain of all time in No Country For Old Men (earning an easy Oscar win).

14. Jake Gyllenhaal (CRDT) - Sigh, I wouldn't have been hesitant to make this pick if it wasn't for this little beauty looming on the horizon. But hey, I suppose it's this kind of trash that pay the bills so one can pursue projects such as Donnie Darko, Jarhead, Brokeback, Zodiac, and Brothers.

15. Kevin Spacey (CRDT) - The first of the "wow, how did I forget him" picks from Colin. Fool. He's in personal favorites, American Beauty, The Usual Suspects, Se7en, and the criminally underseen Moon, all the while playing a vast variety of characters.

16. Edward Norton (Devil Logs!) - Fight Club. 25th Hour. American History X. Rounders (another best character nominee for team Colin, Lester "Worm" Murphy). The Illusionist. He rocked them all. And he somehow played a blond, clean-shaven priest opposite of Ben Stiller in Keeping the Faith. AND, two little known facts: for the past 26 years he's looked exactly like this guy and in 2008 he played my alter ego.

17. Ralph Fiennes (Devil Logs!) - For the first time in the draft Nix got mad at me for stealing his next pick. Ralph has long been fantastic (see: Schindler's List, The English Patient, Red Dragon), but he basically won a spot on the Devil Logs for In Bruges and this scene in particular. Oh, and he plays Lord Freakin Voldemort.

18. Guy Pearce (CRDT) - This would have been about the time I would have selected Joaquin Phoenix, but he's too busy rapping (and doing this). Anyway, Pearce is in The Hurt Locker, Memento, LA Confidential, The Count of Monte Cristo, and The Proposition. The latter of which is an unknown gem.

19. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (CRDT) - I'm pretty confident he's the only Roseanne alum on either squad. Solid in Brick and 500 Days of Summer, he's also in Inception along with DiCaprio and others.

20. Alan Rickman (Devil Logs!, Clive Owen was picked at first, but was promptly traded to the Oakland Raiders for Rickman and cash incentives) - He'll be forever remembered for falling slowly from Nakatomi Plaza, and his voice and delivery are easy to make fun of, but the guy is a beast. He's been good in Dogma, Galaxy Quest, Love Actually, Sweeney Todd, Bottle Shock (available instantly, Netflix people. Watch it!), and as the amazingly awesome Severus Snape in the Harry Potter series. He also played the voice of a depressed robot in this guy's favorite movie.

21. Emile Hirsch (Devil Logs!) - Admittedly, I've really only seen him in Milk and Into the Wild. Good enough for me. Plus he got to make out with Elisha Cuthbert in The Girl Next Door. Solid effort. The kind of effort that lands you a spot on the Devil Logs.

22. Christian Bale (CRDT) - I'm surprised I got him this low. The Prestige, 3:10 to Yuma, American Psycho, and those Batman movies are enough to get him on this list. His dedication to his work make him a value at the 22 slot.

23. Marisa Tomei (CRDT) - The lovely Marisa Tomei. A steal as my last pick. Absolutely phenomenal in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, In the Bedroom, and The Wrestler. She's also unbelievably attractive for a 45 year old, not that that matters.

24. Penelope Cruz/Scarlett Johansson (Devil Logs!) - As this draft is in no way legally viable (see: real), I felt the need to take a few liberties with my picks. Or at least one. You see, I can't pick between these two. So I'm taking both. They're both good actresses (Scarlett has four Golden Globe noms, Penelope won an Oscar), they're both phenominally beautiful. If the movie calls for some latin flair, we'll go with Penelope. If we need a blonde, there's Scarlett! Plus, if we get them into a movie at the same time, this happens. And at the end of the day, isn't that what movies are all about? Thank you.

Da Results:

Come On You Devil Log! (Colin)
1. Daniel Day-Lewis
2. Johnny Depp
3. Christoph Waltz
4. Christopher Walken
5. Anne Hathaway
6. Tom Hanks
7. Javier Bardem
8. Edward Norton
9. Ralph Fiennes
10. Alan Rickman
11. Emile Hirsch
12. Penelope Cruz/Scarlett Johansson

Chest Rockwell's Dream Team (Nixy)
1. Philip Seymour Hoffman
2. Leonardo DiCaprio
3. Kate Winslet
4. Jeff Bridges
5. Bill Murray
6. Paul Giamatti
7. Jake Gyllenhaal
8. Kevin Spacey
9. Guy Pearce
10. Jason Gordon-Levitt
11. Christian Bale
12. Marisa Tomei

The only question now is: Who'd we forget?